Seriously, what is the deal with guys who think they can grab and grind on a woman just because she’s in the club?
Erin Taylor e-mailed me complaining about how men harassed her at the KRS-One show last week. Erin said the problem was "guys putting their hands all over women, who were trying to enjoy the show. It wasn’t just the graze of a hand either, it was forceful grabbing and grinding - really disgusting. I witnessed it happening to several other girls, as well as myself... I got into a yelling match with one of the offenders last Monday and & I had to struggle to keep a crowd of my friends from rushing him.”
Erin complained to folks at the Goblin and was told the guy would be banned from the club. Erin and her friends who regularly attend underground shows are devising a plan to watch each other’s backs and get the vultures (as I call them) blacklisted from hip-hop events.
I would like more women to ban together and create the same strategy at other clubs and parties. When I wrote about this topic a couple of years ago after an experience I had at Crystal on the Plaza, I received e-mails from women and heard from co-workers about the same problem they’ve had at BAR Charlotte and other clubs.
Ladies, clubs want our business. That’s why it’s typically free for ladies to get in because club managers know women draw men. If we start working together and boycotting clubs that don’t protect us, managers will get the message. Let’s join Erin and her friends in banning vultures.
If a guy can’t keep his hands off you, report him to management or security. If they don’t do anything about it, leave, don’t go back and post the name of that club on this blog and on Erin’s (blog.myspace.com/e6000). Let’s start a list of clubs that don’t value women.
What do you think? Is this a real problem here? Share your stories by post your reply below.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Back up off me
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14 comments:
I tried to watch out for a friend once at Time and the dude ended up calling me a lesbian! i ended having a confrontation wtih the dude and she just stood there letting me fight her fight. Not only did i look like a mother hen, but i ended up getting insulted in the process. now when i go out, my motto is: every chick for herself.
In response to the comment above:
I don't think you looked like a mother hen so much as a brave, respectable person & a good friend. Maybe your friend was scared to get involved in a confrontation with a guy, as many women are. Maybe you inspired her or another female watching to speak up next time. There is broad spectrum of nasty insults guys hurl at girls & I'm not sure "lesbian" is one of them.
Please don't look away if this happens to another friend you're with. However, you should probably try to get the dude thrown out rather than get in another confrontation.
Bravo, Erin. I stopped going to clubs in Charlotte or anywhere else because of this touchy-feely mess. It's not cute. But in reality, for every one woman who doesn't like it, four others do. It's as if the men in the clubs have taken their cues from Hip Hop videos. It's as if we women are just there to make them feel good. I am not produce. Don't touch and squeeze to see what I feel like.
As far as being called a lesbian, why is that an insult? I'm not one, but why give someone the power in thinking that being called a lesbian is an insult. Call me a bit** and we have a serious problem.
Being called a lesbian, your reply should be and aren't you jealous you can't watch.
Well, if you're out on the town with Tonya & "Erin", chances are you probably do look like a lesbian, and not one of those pretty ones featured in adult movies,either.
Feeling up on women in a club is tacky and low-class, but that doesnt make the club it's happening in tacky or low-class.
Once again, Tonya showcases her extraordinarily low IQ and complete lack of common sense by suggesting this phenomenon is the club's fault. I guess they should all hire 50-75 bouncers and assign each one to watch 3-4 women all night to make sure no one rubs up against them. Especially if it's not blatant, just how is staff supposed to make a judgement call based on movements in the middle of a sweaty,grinding, alcohol-fueled mass of bodies?
For Tonya and others intelligent people unlike the one above -
You are right.. it is a nuisance in the clubs these days.. I am married and went out with my friends a couple of weeks back. The very fact that I have a RING on my finger did not stop these vultures to come and grind up against me..they have no game man!! instead of striking up a conversation or asking for a dance politely, they want to grab you and jackhammer you !
wow, "ernsberger", I love how you make a judgement on Tonya's IQ, then leave a post which shows you have no reading comprehension skills or desire to acquire knowledge to back up your statements.
Tonya never suggested it was the club's fault, nor did she suggest club staff should instinctively know when this behavior is taking place.
What she said was, "If a guy can’t keep his hands off you, report him to management or security. If they don’t do anything about it, leave, don’t go back "
How about you actually read the article you're speaking on, then post something relevant instead of broadcasting your ignorance.
Guess what else is "tacky & low-class": making assumptions about people's sexuality & insulting their looks - especially when you've never laid eyes on them.
asssberger. what an idiot. Have you ever seen either of the women your talking about. Flippin the porno lesbian tip just shows the fact you get no play...exept from the vcr! Intelligent men respect women. Classy venues value their patronage. my 7 year old daughter has better reading skills then this chump. shoulda paused the tape before he posted.
If you're having a problem with this kind of behavior, you're in the wrong place. I have NEVER witnessed the kind of behavior you describe here, although I have no trouble at all believing it goes on constantly. It just doesn't happen in the decent places we should be going to.
this happened at bar when i used to go some yrs back. in fact i got into the kind of yelling match that was described above. but my friend backed me up and the guy left us alone after that. really hasn't been a problem except for bar and i just choose not to go there anymore.
Hmm. Women and men alike glamourize the "pimp" lifestyle, buy music from the guys who treat women like pure sex objects on the screen and in their lyrics, then go to get a taste of that nightlife and music in a public club and complain that they are not treated well.
What did you expect? You want to change the way men treat you, don't support "artists" that make that kind of behavior acceptable and even encouraged.
Oh, I disagree with the person above -- it happens in the "decent" places, too! I've stopped going out as much as I used to, not because I want to go out less, but because I don't want to deal with being pawed and prodded. If most women can restrain themselves from randomly groping men, why can't the men extend the same courtesy? It's a matter of good "home training" -- and many clubgoers these days left home without it.
Better idea for the men, don't party in NC, do it in SC.
Better idea for the women, don't party in NC, do it in SC.
"If you're having a problem with this kind of behavior, you're in the wrong place. I have NEVER witnessed the kind of behavior you describe here, although I have no trouble at all believing it goes on constantly. It just doesn't happen in the decent places we should be going to."
I'm wondering if this comment is fictional? Could I get a list of the "decent" places you"re attending annon.? I remember 3rd graders at church camp tryin to cop a feel, in. In other words, it's the childish behavior not the venue. Mature adults should be able to control their actions no matter what CD they've got "bumpin" on the way to "da club".
i had the opposite happen to me. I asked a "lady" for a dance at bar charlotte, she was grinding on me, like she was auditioning for a porno. she was not the only woman dancing like that either. you see this at all the clubs, women halfnaked dancing provacativly and when a man reacts, then they want to get upset. I say alot of them ask for it. call me wrong if you want but just go to these clubs and observe with an open mind, and watch these women work.
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